we should be friends...

Yes. That we should.

Of course, I'd need to know who you were.

Ask me anything

The Internet: A quick Primer for Parents

The internet is a harmless place, full of wonder and opportunity for your children. Amongst its many alleys and corners, your own little bundle of joy can learn the majesties and beauty of our world.

Right?

WRONG.

Inspired by this saga, I feel that the internet should get a fair, non biased review by me (three time Internet Adventurer awardee, 2007-2009, experienced Tubes Specialist)

1. The internet is full of viruses and dirty communist hackers

Viruses are everywhere. Always keep a guard out for their expanse, as well as the ever-present pestilence of hackers, the perverted and twisted shepherds of the great virus herds.

In order to understand how to stop viruses, you must first know how viruses are created.

--In a cyberlab, the hacker grows a virus to completion, often relying on illegal softwares known as “warez” to accomplish this.

--As soon as the virus has reached maturity, he unleashes it on a web site. As soon as you visit the website, the viewer will be attacked by a virus.

Beware so-called “freeware” or “open-source”, these are key words for dirty communist virus scams.

Hackers often speak in “L33tsp34k” (pronounced “computer language”). Through this “l33tsp34k”, hackers pass along coded messages, often contained in rap music and forums.

In order to defend against hackers and viruses, it is important that you watch your child at all times while he/she is on the computer. At any point they could inadvertently (or advertently) unleash a virus on your home computer.

Sites to watch out for:

lifehacker.org (never ever visit this site ever)

google.com (this site is unsafe, please use yahoo or AOL search instead)

youtube.com (this site is full of hackers and viruses)

2. Persuade your children to use safe alternatives

Now that we know the dangers of the internet, we need to know the ways to prevent harm to your computer or your child.

First, only use trusted websites. Always look over the websites that your children visit. If possible, block anything and everything that you have not scoured with your own eyes for dirty communist hackers and viruses.

Here are some examples of safe sites:

Facebook.com: This site has a really good watch on things. In fact, everything your child posts on Facebook is completely available for you to view, at any time, without even being logged in! Isn’t that wonderful?

AOL.com: For years, AOL has proven to be the safest and most user-friendly internet website on the whole internet. There is no reason to ever use another, ever, for really any reason.

StickyDrama.com: Truly a wonderful site. Just teens talking to teens about teen issues. I’ve never personally seen the site but my 11 year old daughter swears that it is fantastic, and since she swore on GOD, I knew she wasn’t lying.

3. Take control of their life

They’re your kids, not some random person’s children. It’s perfectly normal to take extreme measures to stop them from viewing the internet.

The internet is addictive, pestilence-ridden, and full of evil. Believe me, I’m a doctor.

If your computer has been compromised by a hacker or a virus, unplug the computer. This will trap the virus/hacker inside your computer. Then, taking pains to not open the computer, take it outside and smash it to bits.

This will cause the virus/hacker to become trapped in the dying computer, and eventually starve to death. Just to be safe, you should probably burn the computer.

-Dr. Robert Livingstone, Esq.

what's your view on dating?

Long and complicated. Okay. I'm down with dating, for the most part. I don't see an issue with it.

I think High School is a time to be stupid and do stupid things, and mainly to LEARN. I'm not seeing an issue with that. What bugs me is when people take dating too far, or insist on being in ridiculous relationships or something. At that point, they're stupid.

You're in HIGH SCHOOL ffs. You're not finding your goddamn soulmate. Just forget about the stupid formalities and do what you want to do. If that's dating, cool. Whatever rocks your trolley. If it's not, that's cool too.

Personally, I don't know if I could date someone for a long period of time. Granted, I'm really only saying that because I HAVEN'T in the past, and there's always a hope for a new experience I guess.

All I really care about is finding someone fun to hang out with, and if I deem it possible/probable, also- how do I put this- fucking them.

Ask me anything